Placenessness

I was driving home to Seattle last thanksgiving- just crossing the mercer island bridge. On the radio I had the Nightingale song "to the end" playing. I cracked a smile at the lyrics, because they seemed fitting to my journey.

"coming here, is like coming back to life. I feel empowered, renewed. It's hard to believe it was so long ago, I called this place my home... I wish I could tame, this ghost in my heart. One part of me, will always remain here."

I could see the entire city lighting up the night, and I remember feeling like I wasn't quite home. It was familiar and strange at the same time- like remembering part of my own past that somehow I could no longer relate to.

But if Seattle is no longer my home, what place is? In Pullman, I talk a lot about Seattle and how much I miss it- because I don't totally feel at home here either. Pullman feels like a transition- this weird corner of the world with such little sense of identity that the university is the most distinct thing around. You can find a bar, or a Mcdonald's or a grocery store just about anywhere. Fastfood chains and places like IGA and Safeway are universal wherever they can be found. The problem is that this place is catered to college students- overpriced bars, crappy restaurants, and the ever present cougar mascot. And maybe it's good.

I don't feel any attachments to this place, so I'm not likely to stick around for any long period of time. It's the perfect transition from "home" into the real world, where it becomes one's responsibility to make a home. For now, I'm content to be placeless. I'm content with the ubiquity of Pullman's culture, and with the opportunity to meet other placeless people who have just left home. It will allow me, hopefully, to find a place that suits who I am- rather than letting who I am be defined by where I already live.