I wasn't exposed to theory until the last year and a half of my undergraduate education. In many ways, theory supplanted religion for me. I was exposed to it in the wake of religious rejection and strong existential questions, that theory seemed at least partially to answer them. I became obsessed with it- I took more classes, read what I could get my hands on, and even though many of original questions remained theory seemed to have dwarfed their original importance to me. What I have since learned, is that theory lacks practice at a fundamental level. Criticism is not synonomous with change, nor does it often offer alternative models. It also kills the simple pleasure of reading and writing by complicating and convoluting everything.

At one point I tried to inject theory into almost all of my writing, including poetry. After about the third dismal failure I realized that there was no way to negotiate theory and poetry without sacrificing some element of either- namely, the beauty of poetry and the practicality theory. It really gets back to the whole value of aesthetics. At what point do we criticize the conditions of existence and at what point do we enjoy what we have?

If a defense of theory must be made, it will be that it usually means well. There are instances of competition and intense criticism in certain institutions, and a multitude who do indeed treat it as one would a religion- but the majority of these are failures as critics and thinkers(yeah, I went there). It's the same with any type of writing. The "cream of the crop" so to speak, more often than not is concerned with bettering social existence. However, constant criticism can never suffice, and praxis remains as THE essential question in validating theory.

As for me, I like to be balanced. I read enough theory to convince myself I don't live in a delusioned world, and I stay away from it enough that I'm still able to actually enjoy reading and writing once in a while. It probably means I won't be the next great theorist, but y'know- if that means not having my head up my ass, I'm okay with that.